Since today will not be a picture heavy post, I thought I would write about exactly who I am. Who is the Jogging Concierge? Who is Alaina? The “About” section talks about my journey to a 30-pound weight loss as well as my awesome job as a hotel concierge. But that certainly doesn’t delve into who I really am.
And honestly? I didn’t figure out who I really was until about 2 years ago.
For the longest time growing up, I pretty much would act like the people around me, and try to be like the people around me, just to fit in. I wanted to be liked. I don’t know if that was from growing up an only child with parents that worked a lot or what. But I had always wanted to be a part of the “popular” crowd. I had my close friends, but even with them, I tried to act a certain way for them to actually like me. I never really had an identity. I just copied. I posed. I was a poser.
After I graduated high school, I thought that since I was going to a brand new school (yah Endicott!) that no one would know me and I could have a clean slate and “fit in.” What was my definition of fitting in? Being cool with the popular kids of course. Getting invited to parties and dating the cute guys. Who wouldn’t have wanted that in college? But it was as if my reputation had followed me. The parties weren’t what I had expected and I really didn’t have the self esteem that I thought I would. I was trying to fit in again where I didn’t belong.
But I did end up with a GREAT group of friends, who did like me for who I (potentially) was. They stuck by all throughout the 4 years and even beyond graduation. They even came to my wedding:
But despite the great friends I had, I also had my fair share of pity parties. My self esteem was at its lowest my senior year of college. I was overweight, I was going through meaningless relationships and wasn’t enjoying the college life as much as I should have. I look back and wish that I had been happier. It also made my school suffer. I did graduate, but not with the grades that I would have been happy with.
The way I interacted with people was pretty much how can I answer their question that will make them like me the best. It wasn’t what can I say that will make me happy?
And really, the whole catalyst for how I am today was my weight loss. I truly felt that deep down, I was a fun and funny person. But my exterior made me supress that. I mean, regardless of how funny I may have been, who wanted to be friends with the fat girl? (These thoughts were what were going through my head then. That was how I thought people saw me). But once I met David and I started exercising more and just overall taking care of myself, I just became so much more comfortable in my skin.
I also ended up drifting away from friends that I had in grade school because when my true self started coming out, I realized that our personalities clashed. I started making friends through work, through David and even through online forums. I started making friends with people who I clicked well with, because they knew me. They knew the person that I had finally become.
But who am I?
- I like to make people laugh
- I like making impressions and imitations
- I don’t like confrontations
- I enjoy fart jokes…way too much
- I can be very indecisive, mostly when it comes to food
- When I walk up steps, I count them (in my head)
- When I walk down steps, I start with my right foot (OCD much?)
- When I was younger, I dreamed of being a figure skater, then wanted to be a cast member of Saturday Night Live
- I love quoting Mel Brooks or Will Ferrall movies
- I love my “Me” time as much as I love spending time with friends
- I have a design itch that I can’t scratch in our 700 sq. foot apartment
- I never thought that running would be one of my favorite hobbies
- I’m an only child and love my parents to death
- I love giving presents to friends and family
- When I call people, I have something to tell them; I don’t chat
- I’m a clean freak and can’t stand clutter
- I can’t stand drama
- I cry at weddings, but didn’t at my own
- I will trust you immediately until you give me a reason not to
With a list like this, I could seriously go on and on and on…. But I can’t tell you how happy I am to know who I am. It really took me a long time, but I am perfectly content to say that I love who I am today. I can actually tell someone what I like and don’t like, and not be concerned with how they think of me because of it.
I am me, and I love it. 
5 minutes until 11/21! I made it!
